Congratulations! you’re engaged. How long should it last before a wedding date is set?
Written by Saskia on 10 August 2018
Engagements, the beginning of a life long bond called marriage, the final decision to tell the whole clearly that you belong to one partner, the act that says we are officially exclusive with one another. Engagements are done with a ring most, doesn’t matter the size of the ring, big ,small, round, square, oval, diamond, pearl, personal preference basically. Some guys go over board to plan trips, other get a whole mall or street involved, other gets family and friends to throw a party, write it on the sand by the beach some use petals, card boards, others just sit down and decide to become engaged (mutual decision) and they go and buy the ring together later, there are no rules to how you should ask your girlfriend to marry you.
After this beautiful day passes, you receive word from well wishes and not so well wishers, now everybody is waiting for the wedding date to be set. I’ve heard girls say, after 6 months, i can’t put on the ring, others have set time limit of one year. So now the ring is here, but it has an expiry date?
Pressure from family and friends, everybody keeps calling and writing to ask you when is the wedding, and they make sly comments about how long it has been, and how abnormal it is. You feed into this and it starts to weigh in on you.
When you go to church or you’re out an d about and you meet that suitor who wanted to marry you around the same time (most of the time girls have at least 2 men wanting to settle down with her at the same time so she has to choose) walking with his new arm candy, you greet them and he tells you they are engaged and getting married next month. Now you start seeing yourself in a state of ‘That should have been me’.
Your friend who got engaged after you did is getting married and you are still putting on your engagement ring. You can’t stand to be losing in this competition only you have in your mind.
Your ego too won’t just let you be one of those girls whose wedding day took so long to come after their engagement.
However, all these could be actually so valid and I’m pretty sure reasons such as these have been enough to break of engagements. As they say communication is key in a relationship, although some women will not see any excuse as valid, let’s look at some reasons i could find to understand why some men will delay after making the grand gesture.
The first reason i could think of is finance. A wedding cost money. If the lady is not financially viable to chip in, or in some cases, the man feels like he should be able to provide her with the wedding of her dreams (as they say, the wedding day is for the lady, and both their families mostly). He may delay because he wants everything to be close to perfect for his queen.
Sometimes finance can not only be for short for organising the wedding, he may have set goals such as i must move to a bigger apartment or have finished building my house before the wedding so he moves in with the lady of his dreams after their honeymoon. This plan may not pan out the on time as he planned so he finds a reason to delay.
We love our men, but sometimes men get too comfortable. After you know she wants to marry you, you don’t see why the rush, some people get engaged and move in together. They find themselves already living as husband and wife, the man is getting all the benefits of having a wife at home so he’s in his comfortable bubble.
Unfortunately, everything is not always milk and honey. It can happen that after the engagement he meets a lady, and with one glance, the man may start to rethink his choice and may want to see possibilities of how a life will be with lady number two and yup we find the engagement staying for ages till they either separate or lady number two makes lady number one look better so he now has his doubts cleared mostly with a bitter lesson or with just self consciousness.
Either ways, I think we can look at this issue of timing in two ways. Both of you have agreed that you want to marry and spend the rest of your lives together, so why the rush, if you marry today or in 10 years the only thing that will change is the marriage certificate (which is important f course). The second way we can look at it is, if you want to marry and spend the rest of your lives, he wants you to bear his name, you want to bear his name, children, etc, why wait? Life is too short.